Secret Santa is Coming

The Secret Santa gifts I received when working in an office team environment where fairly mundane, like boxes of chocolates, talc or a chiffon scarf.

I got the impression that either I was given recycled presents or I was deemed to be a bit of an old woman. The latter thought is a bit disturbing as I might be a bit past my use by date now, but the last time I got involved with a Secret Santa was 18 years ago.

Obviously the need to find the world’s naffest Secret Santa present is more of a competition between work colleagues nowadays, with items such as lazy mop slippers being a great gift under the £5 spend mark as a hint to someone who is lacking in the cleanliness department. The funniest Secret Santa gift I witnessed was a pair of hand-knitted leg warmers given to an MD’s PA who was always wearing short skirts but complained about being cold all the time.  She didn’t understand and thought that the gift was because someone thought she was fat and needed to exercise. Back-fired Secret Santa!

If you are kinder to your colleagues a £5 to £10 maximum spend can be utilised in a more sensible way and one of the best gifts I ever got was a voucher for a file and paint manicure.  A very thoughtful gift just before the New Year’s party.

Here are some truly brilliant, disturbing and weird Secret Santa stories I found when browsing this Yuletide subject.

“Last year I received a NASCAR-branded pocket knife that a criminal left in a colleague’s vehicle when he broke into it to steal some CDs and the radio,” reports Alex Stern, a PR professional. “I had put in a pretty nice gift, and received this odd knife in return that was involved in a crime! Needless to say, I deposited it in the trash upon my return from the office party.”

Kali Geldis says she once received a whole cooked rotisserie chicken. Oddly enough, that wasn’t the weirdest present given that day: Geldis remembers that one person got a pair of live mice — the kind you would feed to a pet snake. That, at least, explained why the host’s cat had spent much of the night clawing at that particular package.

Brisbane Times newspaper listed readers Secret Santa moments, here’s some:-

One reader wrote about the time her boss received a haemorrhoid doughnut, with a note attached saying, “since you’re an a@#hole, you’re a pain in the rear and you’ve been the butt of all office jokes this year, you might need this.” Ouch!

Reader Anne tells a story she says she recounts most Christmases. “At a company I worked for we did a Secret Santa among around 80 staff – a great opportunity for anonymity. The nasty and controlling personal assistant and her weak boss received a nutcracker and mini plastic spine, respectively.” It’s no surprise Secret Santa was banned at Anne’s former office after that….

Reader Donna sent through a list of pearlers, the best of which was a coffee mug that said ‘Office Bitch’. “This came as a shock to the lady as she wasn’t aware her colleagues thought of her that way. It goes without saying it’s totally wrong in an office situation.”

Other stories included Playboy bunny shot glasses, a giant pair of full brief ladies undies, and a blow-up doll for the guy who talked to himself, so he’d have a “friend” to talk to. A framed photo of two colleagues on an office drinks night out also made her list. “The wife of the recipient didn’t really appreciate it,” it was reported.

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